I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
