her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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