My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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