I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
