so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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