i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
