I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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