Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
