mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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