i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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