his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
