We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
