Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found your dick twin last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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