I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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