it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize