I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
