I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
