I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
