I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
