You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
