I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
high people should be assigned attendants
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
