Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
