I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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