Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
