erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize