She's JV to your varsity
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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