thus making me awesome and them whores
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
