All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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