ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
