Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
