2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
