i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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