At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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