well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
