Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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