The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
