one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
