Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
