Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
