So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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