Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
