Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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