I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
