she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
