is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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