i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
