this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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