You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
