There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
