first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
