Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i came on her dog
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
