I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
