Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
