Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
