you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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