I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
