no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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