god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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