I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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