I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ok first of all what the fuck
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
