And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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