margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
