I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
