if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
