How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
