Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
